Dream time walk about
We’ve been robbed’ I thought as I looked at the broken pane of glass in the front door. Too hung over to panic – the gang had been on a mammoth pub crawl the night before, I checked the living room. Snoring bodies littered the floor, exuding hop flavoured sweat, nothing appeared to be missing. My boyfriend’s flat mate, Lawrence, staggered out of his bedroom.
“Mind the glass” he said as he passed me on the way to the kitchen.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Slept walked again” he replied and washed a couple of pain killers down his throat.
Lawrence’s sleep walking exploits were legendary and included one memorable time when he walked naked into all his housemates bedrooms one at a time, woke them up by switching the lights on and off several times, then went back to bed none the wiser. Recently he’d broken up with the love of his life and was waking up in the middle of the night to find himself cuddling wardrobes, kissing lamp stands, standing in the middle of a suitcase or eating cheese in bed.
“Woke up naked and cold on the wrong side of the door and had to break the window to get back in as none of you buggers woke up when I rang the bell” he said in disgust and went back to bed.
A month later, another pub crawl under our belts, and it was Lawrence’s turn to get a shock when his flat mate, in a daze took a wrong turn and got into bed with him and his new girl friend. They were all naked. “Move over you bugger, move over” Robin said as he pushed the terrified girl in the back. The girl screamed, Lawrence leapt out of bed and turned the lights on. Robin, waking up properly realised he was starkers, wrapped the sheets around him tightly and refused to get out of the bed. Kerry, who was still in the bed with him, was by this time hysterical. Lawrence had to turn the lights out before he could induce Robin out from under the sheets and throw him bodily into his own room. Completely oblivious to events, I woke to the sounds of two grown men giggling and Robin being pushed through the bedroom door. He crawled across the floor, got back into bed and continued to chuckle to himself intermittently for the rest of the night. The next day I heard the details from the victims as the culprit, having sobered up, had slunk out in order to avoid an embarrassing confrontation with Kerry. Luckily she had recovered from the shock and found the whole thing hilarious. Unfortunately, she and Lawrence didn’t last long. We bought him some pyjamas.