Pucker up baby


“What do you want as a leaving present?” I asked my friend, who was taking a year out of university to complete the work experience component of his course.

“Slick lips” he replied with a leer.

“What the hell is slick lips?” I asked, then wish I hadn’t after being given a detailed description (If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about – google it – I’m not going there.)

But it gave me an idea.  For days I laboured over the design, bought the materials, then started to create.   Leaving the separate items in the fridge to set before the final assembly I got on with an essay.  There was a knock on the door.  It was a curious housemate. 

“There appears to be a mushroom cap and toilet roll shaped tube made of marzipan covered in chocolate in the fridge and a pink marzipan tongue in the freezer.  Anything to do with you?”.

“Correct on all counts” I replied and would say no more. 

Word got around the university housing complex that something weird, and probably a little kinky, was happening in our house. 

“Wait until Thursday” was all I would say, adding to the speculation.

By the day of the farewell party anticipation was high.  People started gather in the kitchen as I put the parts together.  The cake, covered in glossy bright red icing was in the shape of the Stones lips logo complete with extras.  

“May I present slick lips” I announced to the crowd

“What’s slick lips?” someone piped up

“Google it” I replied.  

Thus my bad taste cake side line was born.  Friends who had birthdays were presented with a cake that generally reflected their fantasies, bad habits or terrible dress sense.   My best creation was a dirty ashtray, complete with beer bottle tops, ash and fag ends (all edible) – but so realistic that it remained unconsumed.  Unfortunately, the baking had to go on hold in my final year when my dissertation took priority.   Another money spinning idea never realised.

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