Wee Nasty Beasties.
I first saw the ultimate killing weapon in Thailand. Chang Mai to be precise. We were staying in our usual rooms – a family run place managed by Kim. Lush green growth interspersed with bright blooms of colour lined the driveway and surrounded the long house where the family lived. Behind the wooden structure, beyond pond and tinkling water fall, lay the rooms. Pretty, but unfortunately a natural breeding ground for mossies. To venture out at any time and sit in the shade boded days of raised painful welts.
It looked like a tennis racket, except it was electrified. When turned on and waved around in the air it made contact with the wee nasty beasties and killed them with a satisfying ZAP. I loved it, and spent many hours on killing sprees finally sating revengeful need for years of endured swollen stings. Fortunately, the safety standards of Australia barred me from importing this ingenious invention on mass, thus preventing mass destruction of the Aussie mossie and probably the deaths of the weapon wielders as well.
Samos has some weird and wonderful insects, hornet’s with a wasp waist, some rather nasty looking flies with a bite to boot, super midges with the ability to cause a bite that swells and swells, mosquitoes that run on silent, persistent blue bottles and a plethora of dangerous looking wasp s and bees. For the most part they mind their own business – unless of course, one has that evocative human odour that attracts them in droves. Most of us have met someone like that, who smells so good to small winged things that they fly kilometers just to get a taste.
Unfortunately I am such a person. Last time I was in Greece I received two bites to my elbow which developed into a full blown infection – pus and all. I still bear the scars 3 years later. So it came as no surprise that 2 days into this stay something marched up and down my arm drilling at regular intervals for red gold, then moved onto the right side of my face carrying out the same procedure. All this despite repeated applications of “Off” , two Raid room plug ins and regular doses of killer spray.
The arm swelled up and slowly responded to antihistamine tables and creams, pains shot up and down the length of it and a trip to the doctors was considered. Luckily my face just looked like it had an outbreak of chicken pox. Three weeks later the red welted bites are still obvious and if I absent-mindedly scratch raise up in an itchy egg-headed response.
Today we visited the bank yet again and finally after three weeks of intense negotiation and document procuring managed to unlocked the account. Smiles all round, introductions to family and friends and the sharing of honeyed donuts cemented our relationship with the bank clerk. Cashed up we headed to the electricity shop only to discover that the cooker on offer and the dehumidifier that we had settled on in the recent past had been sold. Needing to spend some of that hard gotten money, I wandered around the shop and spotted the modern equivalent of the racket. It was on offer!
So here I sit, a reassuring blue neon glow lighting the room, typing to the sound of small cracks and zaps, happy in the knowledge that the wee nasty beasties are getting theirs rather than getting mine.